CHAT- PATE JOKES FOR TIME PASS

 

SARDAR JOKES

1.  Sardar - Why r all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.                                                          
Sardar - If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

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2.  Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
Sardarji: PUNJAB.
Man: Which Part?
Sardarji: Oye!Part part kya kar raha hai,whole body born in Punjab.

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3.  One Day Sardar's Girlfriend asks him,
Girlfriend: "Darling,on our Engagement will you give me a RING?"
Sardar: "Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No."

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4.  A Teacher told all Students in a class to write as essay on a
Cricket Match. All were busy in writing except one Sardar.
He Wrote as "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH"

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5.  Sardar was Standing in front of the Mirror
with his eyes closed.
Wife - What do you think you are doing?
Sardar - I just want to know how i look when i sleep...

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 6.  A Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift
with this oil?"
Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"
Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"


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7. ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR
DENIED SIMPLY
SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,WE MARRY ONLY OUR
RELATIVES..

MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.

SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME

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8. Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers
took some
sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat
them.

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,"
complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their
sandwiches.

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9. A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective
novels, but he
always started reading from the middle.

A friend of his asked why he did so?"

It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start
from the middle
keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but
also about its
beginning.

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10. Once a Sardarji was going to his office.

On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly
hurt. Next day ,
on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and
Later after two
days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari
sala, aaj to
choice hai"!!!!!!

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11. A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the
pearly gate.
Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due
to the advances
in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a
prospective
heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are
Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and
Tomorrow, even though
it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is
correct. But how did
you get only 12 seconds in a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd, etc...."

Saint Peter lets him in without another word

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12. A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a
party.. he
introduced his family to his friends saying.." I am
Sardar.. and this
is Sardarnee ...this is my kid and that is my
kidney...!!"

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13. American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji " India
me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

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14. Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?

A. Moti-vating..!!!

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15. Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."

Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main use
surprise doonga..!"

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16. Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be
pained in front of
his clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr Chorpa
Psycho The
Rapist"

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17. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .........

Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......

Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai

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18. Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisa machis
leke aaya hai, ek
bhi tili nahin jalti.

Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke
laya hu.

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19. Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I just
won the 10 Million
lotto.

Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ?

Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost !

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20. Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood
group ek hi hai?

Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo
pee rahi hai....

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21. Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai
....

Rabridevi ka laloo prasad

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22. A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab
today.......

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are
still.....digging for
more.

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23. Sardar found answer to most difficult question
question ever

What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?

Oye yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!!

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LALOO JOKES

24. Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was
huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR"
for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

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25. Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could
you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man
at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately
replies "Thank you" and puts the phone down.

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26. Laloos family planning policy..
"Don't have more than two children in one year"

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27. At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo
replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

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28. After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a
picture. To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a
herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he
poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a
newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"

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29. Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with
Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years
and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."

Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very ineficient," he stated
"Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

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30. A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"

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31. One man read a board 'likhane wala briliant, padhane wala idiot.."
Man becomes engry, he rub board and writes,
"padhane wala briliant, likhnewala idiot...."



32.
Wife : Agar Mai mar jaun to tum kya karoge ?
Husband : Shayad mai mar jaunga.
Wife : kyon ?
Husband : Kabhi Kabhi zyada Khushi janleva hoti hai. ;-))



33.
Two Sardars were walking together...

Pehla: Oye marr gaye. Meri biwi aur meri premika ek saath aa rahi hain..

Dusra: Oye main bhi yahi bolne wala tha....



34.
Sardar at an art gallery "I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call a modern Art?"

Art Dealer "I beg your pardon sir. Thats a mirror!"



35.
A Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift with this oil?"

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE "


 

36. Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently.
The lady said, " break nahi mar sakta tha kya?"
Sardarji replied "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."



37. 
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar 
chalte
the, woh kya soch rahe honge.... think.............
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI HAI"



38.
Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

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39. A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
  Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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40. A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
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41. A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be
attracted to you!

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